On a more serious note ~ Jully

This past week was a tough one for me. It was filled with challenges, emotions, and harsh realizations.

But before I get into all that, since I wasn't able to write as of Friday (12/5), here’s a recap from my last 3 sessions:

12/6 Saturday – Session 10
According to Joe (yeah, the one who created Pilates), it takes 10 sessions to “feel” a difference, 20 sessions to “notice” a difference, and 30 to change to shape of your body.
Honestly, I have felt a difference right after the 1st session. As I mentioned in my previous blog entries, I acknowledged my body as soon as I walked out of the studio that first day.
During this session, Shannon and I were very much in synch, flowing from one exercise to the next. Afterwards, I went for my second run of the week, but instead of running in the track, I actually ran over to the Tenafly Studio to surprise Shannon during her workout. I felt really great, even though the scale was still at 188.5lbs. Really, nothing was going to bring me down that day.

12/10 Wednesday – Session 11
The week was pretty tough on me by the time the Wednesday session came along. First, I ran on the coldest night known to mankind (ok, I’m exaggerating, but it really felt that way!), and headed to work where my forearms were still frozen and sensitive to my warm hands. As the week continued on, I just looked forward to my pilates session, and it was great again. Shannon looked really good that day and I was extremely happy for her. I did weigh myself again, and I was at 188lbs. Really, no joke, no change.

12/13 Saturday – Session 12
This session started earlier than usual, since we had to leave to meet our nutritionist. Our reps for the sessions have increased from 4 to about 8 each time. We did a lot of work on the mat and focused on the legs. We then met our Nutritionist and found that I should only consume 1600 calories per day in order to lose 1lb per week. She made it sound like simple math (-500 calories = 1 lb lost). Calories IN - Calories OUT = weight gain or weight loss – oh so simple! Another interesting fact is that because of all the yo-yo dieting for the past 20+ years, my body has shut itself down. This is why I can't lose the weight as fast as I could when I was younger. So after our session with the Nutritionist, I dragged myself to the track to do my run. This was probably the hardest run yet (I know I say that everytime!). By the 2nd lap, I was completely out of breath. It was like I was carrying a 20 lb bag on my back. You can read the below to discover why…

So now, on a more serious note, I swell up when I stress out. When I am challenged with a situation that I feel hopeless about, I turn to food. I don’t it consciously, before I can even realize it, I’ve already satisfied most of my cravings. On a more positive note though, I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink, I don’t hit a punching bag, I don’t cry or scream, I don’t even talk about it… I just eat and find myself in a trance. Actually, I don’t find myself there when it's happening, it’s only days later that I realize why I feel and look so much heavier. To be quite honest, I don’t think I would stop eating even if I knew what was happening. What else can I do to occupy my mind and time?

Some say that admitting that I have a problem is the first step, right?